Lady...

I don't know why, but I am listening to Kenny Rogers "Lady" right now on You Tube. A month or so ago, I went to Santiago to see a friend, another person from the USA, and she wanted to copy my music from Ipod onto her computer because she remembered I had some country music and a little bit of everything else. WELL, I told her I tried to copy music from and Ipod once and I ended up erasing it completely. She assured me that she knew what she was doing and in that same moment she was assuring me, she erased it. So, now, to get my music kick by listening to music on Youtube. I start with one song and then I see another song on the recommended list and pretty soon I am listening to Kenny Rogers! haha!

"You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille..."

Anyway, I have finally finished my trimester grades! Yahoo! I learned the teacher I am replacing is coming back on September 28th, which means I only have to hold on for another two weeks! It is kind of bittersweet, the emotions of finishing this job. Part of me is going to miss these kids and part of me is so incredibly thankful I am almost done! I honestly don't thinkＩcan keep my patience with them, especially after all the excuses and endless arguing about papers and grades. They are so lazy all trimester and it is like pulling teeth to get them to finish anything...then they all want to argue with you in the same moment and question why their marks are low! Aye de mi! This is what has been happening class after class this past week Finally, with one of my classes, I packed up my stuff and left. I figured I would get more done in an hour sitting by myself in the teacher lounge than arguing with students for an hour and not accomplishing anything. Oh Lordy!

I have a new perspective of the Chilean culture. I love the colors, the music, the food, the wine, the scenery...and I love the people I know and who I can trust, like the family I live with right now and the friends I have maintained over time. BUT, sadly, over the past six months, I have gained a new perspective on Chilean culture, one that has tainted the beautiful picture I had painted before. The best analogy I can come up with is this...you are enjoying life, loving every moment, eyes wide open...and suddenly, someone pokes you in the eye...it is the surprise that hurts and suddenly, as much as you want to run around enjoying everything with your eyes wide open again, you can't because you are aware of the eye pokers.

I keep trying to put my head around this culture, to understand it, but I just can't. I was talking to someone the other day about the cultural norms I have picked up on here, saying how I couldn't understand where they come from...he just looks at me and says, Jami, it is best to try not to understand it, because you never will. Living in Chile is like learning to walk again for the first time. You fall, you get back up again, you fall, you get back up again...pretty soon, you learn how to walk and maintain yourself here. You keep everyone at a comfortable distance and you live in your own little bubble. Wow, I thought. I don't know if I can live in a bubble all my life.

So, what are the cultural norms I have picked up on?
Gossip: Chileans love to talk. What is said to one person in private, will never be private. So, if you don't want anyone to know, it is best to just not say it. Example: I heard something about someone the other day, something that only a doctor would know. Where did they here it from? This person's doctor. The doctor was sharing very private information with this woman. Whoa!

Lying, stealing, and cheating: I have seen it and experienced it at many levels here. I don't know if I am just too trusting, or it is really a problem here. Seeing how I have never had so many people in my life lie to me, I am going with the latter, it really is a problem here. Oh my, the lies, the excuses, the blaming...SIN FIN (without end). Yes, I am aware this happens all over the world, but I feel a higher concentration of all this here...the same person I was talking to about understanding the culture informed me...Chile was for Spain what Australia was for England, a place to send criminals. This culture together with the Mapuche tribes, who were warriors, could be the reason for the aggressive nature of this race. Also, maybe, if we take into account the government of communist Allende and the abrupt transition to Pinochet, the militant leader, whose military style affected the older generation and is now clashing with the younger generation (so it seems to me)...along with the class distinctions...large poor population and maybe 20% upper class...well, ok...I am losing my train of thought, maybe because I get that far and I can't get my head around the rest, can't complete the thought.

But, in the end, people are still very much on survival mode and take whatever they can get their hands on. I have been robbed (not physically harmed or mugged, just robbed...i am safe and live in a safe place, so don't let that comment run away in your head) and I have had people try to over charge me because I am a "gringa". I am constantly watching my things because I have a feeling the moment I turn my back it will be gone and someone will be selling it at the street market with other stolen goods. Again, I know this happens at home, in the US, but it seems more frequent here...more common. You walk around here and everyone has rod iron gates. Doors are locked with a key, always. It is funny because the first thing people notice in the Movies from the US are the open yards, no gates.

One of my students was telling me about a raid his friend watched while stuck in a traffic jam near a place called La Victoria. A group of men raided the truck in front of him (a transport, transporting something..food maybe) with knives. After they raided the truck they went around to cars looking in the windows for things of value. I would have shit my pants had I been watching this, I think. Someone else whose Dad had a store right outside this La Victoria, at the entranced, remembered seeing a guy running around with a fork in his head because there had been a dispute. These people are like animals. I will never forget the name of La Victoria.

On the cheating note, there is this underground law of secrecy that is accepted. As you travel along the road by bus, you will see many motels. I didn't think much of it until someone explained them to me. These motels are to have sex with your secret lover. The parking spaces have curtains to hide the cars. These motels are all over the place! People are miserable in their pairs, their marriages, but the woman stays in this relationship because it is the cross she has to carry for her husband to make him happy and raise his kids, and then he has another woman for fun. Yes, women are more liberated now and there are men that respect this (like the men I have known here), but I have been to houses where the woman looks absolutely depressed and never leaves the house because her husband won't allow her. But, they are all so worried about maintaining this image of the perfect family...and they put on these happy faces for the public...but they live in misery. Why?? But, as I watch some of the shows on t.v, the telenovelas (soap operas, t.v series) and you see the male dominance (and seriously I have to change the channel sometimes because I cannot watch) you understand the culture more. As you look around and see all the women who are without a husband but raising kids alone...or they are with their husband and living in misery, you just can't help but wonder why? Why is it so difficult for these people to be faithful?

Gimme, gimme, gimme more: The other day, because we had planned to do something special in class and I had to go talk to some people at the provincial, where the ed department is here, to discuss my papers AGAIN. I told them I would bring them back a treat. Well, of course, I went to Provincial and the people I needed to talk to weren't available and I thought I will bring some candies since the students are working (no, I don't know why I thought they would actually be working). Well, only a handful of students were actually working on their assignments, so most lost that opportunity, but I brought the candies another day for the same reward idea. Well, I go to hand out candies and, first, it was like walking into Deertown in Park Rapids with the little ice cream cone of corn...the deer have their noses in your cone before you even step into the park and you just can't fight them off. It was the same thing only with students (9th graders) and lollipops! They kept trying to get seconds and then they wanted to swap flavors. And, how many thank you's do you think I heard? I can't remember any, in English or Spanish! Then, in between classes, they tried to get more! My goodness! They always want more! Forget about being thankful for what you got! Just give me more!

Ahh....I don't know...BUT, the thing to remember, there are good people here, many good people...they are just hard to find and I have become more cautious because of what I now know. I am learning. I fell but I am walking again.

It is interesting...culture. It is funny how people think people from the US are so cold. But, as I am learning, we are more transparent, more direct, more real....but not more cold. Yes, we have back stabbers, liars, cheaters, and thieves, but...we are just as caring...we just don't fake it...at least I don't. I feel like I am in high school again sometimes here...

Yah...I am sure I will be back to talking about how much I love Chile again tomorrow, but some things have just started to really come to surface, some realizations that I have been thinking about today.

Ok...now, I am going to go to bed....buenas noches...